This time of year always brings back bitter sweet memories (yeah I know, it sounds like I’m about to break out into song). Several years ago my life changed and today I find myself, yet again, in the midst of changes that I have no power over to control the outcome.
Sometimes I’d like to believe that if I do incantations the right way, make ebo, smile enough, have good character and do good it will somehow delay the inevitable arrival of death. To literally see death on a person has always been disconcerting, I have never really got used to this and don’t think that I will ever truly will. As I sit here waiting in the advanced imaging suite for one of the greatest loves of my life to finish with their exam, I see death in all of her glorious stages on the terminally ill and those that are teetering between being terminal and having a fighting chance to live longer.
I see the fear, worry and challenges that each individual here is facing and then I see death. It is both interesting and sad for me to be set in the middle of the dance between life and death.
There is a woman here who has prayed to live long enough to she her grandchild born and a man who is very much alone, afraid and remorseful that he chose work over family, there is a little boy here who knows how precious time is and is having a great time making us all laugh.
Death is not cruel, it is the actions of people that is cruel. Death is partner to life. Death is not final. I see her playing her part in the universe maintaining balance and this morning she is reminding me about the importance of living a prayerful life that is filled with as much laughter, love and music as possible. Reminding me to fight for what feeds my soul and makes me happy, makes my loves happy.
I will never be comfortable with death but today, through my tears I am ready to fight for each and every one of my days left and those that I love.
As soon as I get home, I’m going to dance and pray.
Thanks for your beautiful writing about the tenuousness of walking in the ways of spirit. Although most of us would like to push death out of the way, it takes skill to walk with her daily in our lives. She comes whether we want her to or not. How different life is with her at our side, a death that knows we need life and to celebrate it, while knowing the limitations of living. It makes one live more presently I think, with the pain of loss as an organic every day recognition. Such a paradox. You have such a beautiful soul girl. Keep it shining!
Thank you Cathy, it is a beautiful paradox indeed.